When island life makes you simplify – and hoard at the same time

I don’t like junk.  I don’t like having piles of trinkets on shelves, taking up room…and perhaps more importantly, needing dusting at some point.  I try not to buy things just cause they’re “cool” or cute…or new.  I have other things I’d prefer to spend my money on and the clutter makes me crazy.   I’m sure this will surprise some who know me but it’s true nonetheless.   The fact I can’t seem to permanently organize the shit I do own is irrelevant *gives steely side-eye to mother*   The island however, has made me a hoarder in some regards.

While I drastically simplified and pared down my life in moving here,  the island has also had a weird, unexpected side to this.  One might look in my bathroom “hair” drawer and wonder…why does she have 8000 silicon hair ties?  Well I’ll tell you.  These hair ties are perfect for my hair.  I love these hair ties.  I need these hair ties!  I also cannot find these hair ties on the island…anywhere.  So when I order said hair ties from Amazon and they cost $4 a bunch – and the shipping is $15.  I order in bulk.   I don’t actually recall the exact price but the overall point is very real.  The fact the damn things are actually breaking all the time isn’t helping…but I digress.

I remember wanting to order a new 2018 planner, like the useful, well-designed and pretty 2017 planner I’d picked up at Staples in Canada when I was last visiting.  A quick search yielded one on Amazon and I clicked “purchase”.  In the final order, I deleted it immediately.  Why?  It was approx $12.  The shipping?  Around $50.  I kid you not!  Hellllllll noooo.  I’d rather use scrap paper and staple it together.  Better yet, go to Sam’s or Office Max and get a boring, plain one.  Maybe I can doodle it up and make it purdy.  So I ended up going to Sam’s Club and picking one out there.  My options there were “Ugly”, “Fugly”, “Daaayumm” and “Less-Ugly”.  I opted for “Less Ugly”.

This is how it goes somedays.  It’s often no longer about what I like or want but instead,  simply about what will work or what I can get by with.  Options here have disappeared and with time, their importance dwindled.

Shipping isn’t always the motivation behind hoarding.  Sometimes it’s about availability.

A perfect example is the way the island grocers like to mess with their customers.  A popular scenario entails bringing in a new item, often in these scenarios it’s something expats will hunt for halfway across town, if they catch wind of it’s presence.  So suddenly the FB posts will begin, “You’ll never guess what I found today!” (followed by obligatory photo to induce envy).  Of course the poster then sits back like royalty and decides who to let in on the secret purchase location.  It’s like Lord of the Flies.  Pure evil really…  Or the more community-minded public page posts, “Just bought (insert product here) at (store name here)!”  again, followed by photos and info.  Of course, being a small island, this means: the race is on!  Sucks to be you if you’re unable to get to the location in time and the next day when you go, it’s only to see a cavernous space where the item sat the day before.  Maybe you’ll even see another expat standing there, forlorn, staring into the darkness under the shelf.  Hoping there is one more precious jar/can/whatever…tucked away from sight.  The part where the grocers get in on the fun?  Method 1: They never bring the item back in again.  Ever or Method 2: They bring it back in at random…months apart…and place it in completely different locations each time!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Pendejos.

From what my friends say and my own experience, I think this is the prime reason we become food hoarders here.  It’s because next week I won’t be able to get the damn pickles!  For real.  Dill Pickles.  GOOD Dill Pickles.  It’s not a psychological need…I really may never find them again.  So yes.  I do have nine jars in my cart (don’t even think of trying to scoop one!).  It’s because two days ago when I was at the store and there was only one jar on the shelf, I nearly had a breakdown in the aisle.  DON’T JUDGE.  Okay, so maybe it’s a little psychological.  I love these pickles!  So today when I saw it fully stocked, I grabbed!  My island peeps get it.  Think I’m exaggerating?  Ask a local expat what happens on FB pages when lemons arrive in a store… 😉

 

My current pickle stash…